Not Fishing!

Okay, if he ever comes across this, he's probably going to immediately think I'm weird. But I'll risk it. This is Seth Worley and he's friggin' brilliant. He's the writer of Awakeland, which I typically check everyday. Mostly in anticipation of amazing works of art like this montage of pictures and video (all his own, besides the constellation designs) of his family and friends. I've watched this approximately 30 times today. Because I am in awe of it and for some reason, it inspires me in more ways than one. I admire this kind of thing so much, it's borderline envy!

Sometimes, I feel so disappointed in myself. Because I like to consider myself a creative person. I love to take pictures and paint. I love to write and play songs. And I hope beyond measure that I'm original. And then I come across someone such as this and am blown away by the talent and originality one individual can possess. And it's funny, because so much of the time, Seth is writing about who he admires and who he would aspire to. I've read his blog enough to recognize a pattern of insecurity. So if he ever read this, he probably wouldn't believe it at first. Funny how reading a blog can allow you to know a stranger so well, you can even point out their character flaws. I know I have mine! (Please feel free to point them out!)

I think what I love most about Seth and his work is the childlike wonder I feel when I look at his pictures or watch his videos. He is so in tune with that childhood nostagia, whether he believes it or not, that it's almost eerie. It's like he wants to instill that feeling inside you, but constantly worries about whether he feels it himself. Or even if he believes it. But the truth of the matter is that if you're passionate enough about knowing something or feeling a certain way, others will clearly see that. One must step outside themselves and look at what everyone else is staring at. I guess maybe that's the lesson to myself. To step outside and stare at what's inside of me. But even I don't know how to do that. I guess I wish someone could reflect it back to me in some way. So I wouldn't feel so inadequate or incapable of being what I always thought I would be. Or could be. Or already am.

Even his girlfriend, Arley, is incredibly gifted! She even paints window panes! And I thought I was being so fresh and new when I got those windows at that old thrift shop! Apparently, she's been painting them for ages! And of course, she and Seth have collaberated on several artistic works at NoiseBoxMedia, the site they created together. What an amazing team... How perfect can they get? They even make art together! It is simply unreal to me. Compared to people like this, I feel so untalented. I don't want that to sound ungrateful or jealous, and maybe it does... But I really do! I just don't feel like I reach the same level that others do. At certain things, I know I'm not good at--designing web sites, playing video games, poetry--but I want to believe I am exceptional at certain things. But as human nature would have it, I feel so subpar compared to people like Seth and Arley.

Measuring myself to others is not cool, I know, and in no way would I want Seth or his girlfriend or anyone else to stop being so talented. But knowing they're out there, being so great at what they do, really stunts my attempts at being creative. And it's all my fault, because I've given myself over to the power of comparison. And I hate that!

I just wish I could be confident in my own innovation.